If you were in front of me and you asked me why we weren't friends anymore my reply would be an over-exaggerated shrug and a look of bewilderment. I honestly do not know what happened to her or us. She simply just stopped talking to me. Well, she stopped talking to everyone. She had gone abroad for a year but with Wi-Fi being so available and social media being the norm of contacting people nowadays there was no excuse to fall out of contact. It was like she had vanished into thin air.
We had been best friends for almost a decade. We were inseperable, thick as thieves. If she was there, I was there and visa versa. She helped me through some of the darkest times and smiled with me through the happiest. We rarely spent any time apart from the minute we became friends to the minute I waved her off on her coach as she departed for the other side of the world. Then, for four months, I didn't hear from her. Nothing.
I clung on for dear life to our friendship. I facebooked her to the point where people said I looked like a stalker as I had no replies from her. I talked about her and stuck on her team to the point where it became a bit of a problem with my other friends. They could see how much of a mug I was being. I spent a fortune calling her foreign mobile and when she returned home I offered her an entire olive tree only to watch her set it alight and turn it to ash.
I miss her terribly. Sometimes I want to punch her, others I want to hug her. Mostly I would just like to know why.
I have seen her a handful of times and we act like strangers in the street. Every time it happens I feel physically sick and I shake for hours and - once I am away from my children - I weep. I grieve for her and our friendship. Sometimes I feel so lost without her yet other times I can't believe we lasted as long as we did.
That feeling of panic when you see an ex is nothing like I experience when I see her. It is pain like no other. She made a fool of me and us and I hate that so many years have passed and it still effects me so much, especially because she doesn't give two hoots.
But with the bad comes the good.
I have now surrounded myself with a very close knit circle of "beyond friends". This is what I call those special ones that you love and cherish so much. I had probably, unintentionally, put a few of them slightly on the backburner before because I was so utterly devoted to my best friend. I know that for a few years I even put her before my husband. Since we parted ways I have learned a lot about myself, the way I treat people and how I wanted to be treated. As we grow we all have friendships that naturally drift apart just by life getting in the way but the "beyond friends" are here to stay. Over the last few years they have made me feel happy and secure and, above all, loved. I am proud of each and every one of my friends in so many ways and I am so thankful for everything they do for me from the comforting hugs when I'm sobbing to the shared laughs when I'm happy. For the random texts of crap to the obscene pictures on snapchat, the shared links on Facebook, the pictures of things that remind them of me or us, all those little things make my life richer and happier and warm and I would walk in darkness without each ray of sunshine that are my beyond friends.
But with the bad comes the good.
I have now surrounded myself with a very close knit circle of "beyond friends". This is what I call those special ones that you love and cherish so much. I had probably, unintentionally, put a few of them slightly on the backburner before because I was so utterly devoted to my best friend. I know that for a few years I even put her before my husband. Since we parted ways I have learned a lot about myself, the way I treat people and how I wanted to be treated. As we grow we all have friendships that naturally drift apart just by life getting in the way but the "beyond friends" are here to stay. Over the last few years they have made me feel happy and secure and, above all, loved. I am proud of each and every one of my friends in so many ways and I am so thankful for everything they do for me from the comforting hugs when I'm sobbing to the shared laughs when I'm happy. For the random texts of crap to the obscene pictures on snapchat, the shared links on Facebook, the pictures of things that remind them of me or us, all those little things make my life richer and happier and warm and I would walk in darkness without each ray of sunshine that are my beyond friends.
So, To my most precious friends (you know who you are) I owe so much to each and every one of you. Thank you, with every inch of me, for everything you do. I love you all so much.
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