Nothing better than a woman

I became very aware around the age of thirteen that I fancied girls but coming from a Christian family that was heavily involved with church life I kind of knew it wasn’t “right”. I was living in a world where man and woman was the natural way of life.  My sister was a bit wayward. She listened to grunge and wasn’t down with God, a lot of our Christian friends weren’t particularly happy about it. If they could get mad at my sister for liking Nirvana then how would they treat me if they knew I wanted to kiss girls?

I struggled internally with these huge urges I had towards girls until I finally had an opportunity to explore. Saturdays were my dance days; I had a few classes back to back and spent most of the day out of the house. My friend and I decided to skip drama and go and try to smoke a cigarette she had taken from her mum’s purse. We hid under the pier down the beach and got talking about boys and she said she had never kissed a boy and she was worried that she would do “the washing machine” I said I had kissed a few boys so she asked me if I could teach her. As soon as our tongues touched I knew that it was right. I was meant to kiss girls. She freaked out and told me to never tell anyone what happened and ran off. I felt the softness of her lips linger on me for a long time.

                Things changed about a year later when I finally confided in a small circle of female friends that I was bisexual. Obviously, being a teenager in school, when shit like that goes down you don’t keep it to yourself. So – naturally - the whole year knew by the end of the day that I was now a stinking lesbian. I found school hard from then on. I got paranoid that female friends worried about being around me. I got sick of being called a dirty dyke by this one group of bitches. I got scared when that group followed me home and threw stones at me. I made sure I had boyfriends so people would forget about it. The worst part was when I realised I was fully in love with my best friend and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. Unrequited love is a killer, especially the secret kind.

I became very good at hiding my bisexuality and could satisfy the urges with having the odd night out in a gay bar and doing some stuff in the toilets with random chicks. My first proper relationship with a girl suffered because I couldn’t cope with being openly Bi properly after years of oppressing it and the next possible relationship faltered because I was still hung up on my ex and acted like a complete twat to this beautiful woman. I felt like I never blossomed or belonged because I was too worried about how others perceived me. 

I am now a mother of two daughters and there are so many things I want for them in life but the biggest thing I want for them is to be true to who they are and too just not give a fuck about what others think. I spend an obscene amount of time teaching them about being strong and to love themselves more than anyone else. I encourage them to dress how they like, regardless of what anyone else thinks. I introduce them to all kinds of music so they never belittle anyone for their music choices. Mostly I teach them that no one is better than them but they are also not better than anyone. I tell them that no matter what they want to do, if they work hard, that can do it. I also teach them to be kind, even to people who aren't so kind to them because, although I don't want them to be pushovers I also think, in later years, they can look back and know that they weren't part of making other people feel sad. I hope that when my girls are older they can say that I was a good mum and that I taught them well. I hope that I have provided them with the important values a person needs like respect and kindness. I hope that courage and patience is above money and possessions. I hope they never judge anyone on anything they do and they support their loved ones with the choices that they make. I hope that they see beauty and experience love and cherish the moments of happiness and sorrow because they are the foundations on which you build your soul. I am lucky to have had so many females in my life whether it is in the shape of family, friend or lover. Every woman that I have met has done something which has helped to shape me but these are the few extra special women that deserve a mention.

Josephine March taught me that you don’t have to do what is expected of you

Hermione Granger taught me that being a nerd doesn’t make you a wimp

Gaynor Derham taught me that you can get dragged to hell but you can make it back home again

Natalie Thomas taught me that life is too short

Julia Titus taught me that having kids young doesn’t make you a failure it makes you a super hero

Samantha Jones taught me that it’s okay to just really love sex

Liz Phillips and Zoe Williams taught me that laughter is always the best medicine and that our friendship will only ever grow stronger and nothing will ever break the edamames.

Cat Rees taught me to never be taken for a fool again


Hannah Fitt has taught me to always keep going, regardless of the amount of shit that gets thrown your way

Ann Phillips taught me that women are tigers and you will hear us roar

Kani Barawi taught me fuck it!


Jo Chapman taught me determination is the biggest key to getting what you want (she also has the softest lips ever) (drunk birthday kisses)

Emma Hampson-Jones taught me that even when faced with utmost horror, nothing can break a woman's inner strength


Martha Richards taught me you don't ever need to rely on anyone to get you where you want to be. You are enough to get you where you want to be (Also salt lamps are life!)

Lisa Crew taught me that it’s okay to go to a really dark place to inspire the light


Beth Forbes Simpson taught me that having a massive love for someone isn't measured by time spent together and that idols come in all forms, even in the shape of a beautiful florist from Barry


Pineapple girl taught me that no fruit will ever be as tasty as a pineapple

Kate Winslet taught me that her boobs are pretty much perfection.

The list could go on for days as there are so many incredible women in my life. I feel at peace knowing that I have all these powerful characters looking out for me and enriching my femininity.

Women, I salute you.