The pain never leaves us but after time you learn to cope, you pick yourself up and move on. 13 years is a long time. I miss her every day but the anniversary is always painful mostly because it drudges up the memories of that awful day.
The rest of the year I can conjur up happy memories in the blink of an eye but June 3rd is always painted with bleakness.
I wish I could block out some of the memories yet I never want to forget a single shred of her.
Natalie was wild and care free. She hated being static, still or caged. When we had to make the decision of where to lay her to rest there was no question in our minds that she want to be cremated. We scattered her ashes into the sea at Southerndown beach, one our favourite family places.
We go there every year and lay sunflowers down there but we don't have a plaque or anything. I know this is really painful for my mum so for the past year I have been in contact with many different people to request a bench or a plaque on an existing bench down southerndown.
Unfortunately, I haven't been granted one. I completely understand why and, although disappointed, I'm not angry about it. Due to the place being a hotspot for suicides and motor accidents they actually have a high level of requests for this. They don't want the place to become a shrine of the dead, which I completely understand.
So, one of my list is failed but I tried. We will still go there and lay down those sunflowers. That beach will always be precious to us and Nat.
More than anything, I would just like her back.
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